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Note: This was written for a contest to win a season ski pass at Schweitzer Mt. (which I naturally won). The poem had to be about the show which was then called "KREM 2 News Early Morning", out of Spokane, Washington. This was writtern in December of 2000.

THE PARROT
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

Once upon a morning dreary as I woke up tired and weary
To the dreaded alarm clock ringing, I promptly hit the snooze.
Then as I resumed to my napping, suddenly there came a clapping,
As of massive bird wings flapping, flapping wings of Curlicues
Who swooped down upon the remote - - my big macaw named Curlicues.
Then he turned on KREM 2 News.

Eyeballs groggy inside my head, still not stirring from my bed,
"What's the weather like?" I said. "Which clothes am I to choose?
"Is there fog or is it snowing? How is the traffic flowing?
"What's the thermometer showing? Tell me wise one, Curlicues - -
"You seem to know and see all things; tell me wise one, Curlicues."
Quoth the parrot, "KREM 2 News!"

"And what has happened overnight? What were the wrongs, what went right?
"How's the Presidential fight, latest City Council spews?
"Were there more robbers on the prowl? What was fair, what was fowl?
"Now come on bird, unlock your jowl, can't you give me any clues.
"I have to act informed at work, can't you give me any clues."
Quoth the parrot, "KREM 2 News!"

"Do I hear voices in my trance? Gee that sounds like Robyn Nance.
"She can't be here, no not a chance." The automated coffee brews.
"Was that Issa Arnita's laugh? Tell me bird, on my behalf,
"I think I hear the whole news staff." My mind is easy to confuse.
"What are they doing in my house? My mind is easy to confuse."
Quoth the parrot, "KREM 2 News!"

So out of bed I go stumbling, all the while, mumbling, grumbling,
Then with the toothbrush fumbling. That face in the mirror is whose?
"Any news on Patrick Ewing? Scams brewing? Who is suing?
"What is the stock market doing? Give me something I can use.
"Are gas prices on the rise? Give me info I can use."
"Just shut up and watch the News"

Awakened to reality - - There they were on my TV.
Telling about society and of the latest issues.
How can they be so cheery, on this morning cold and dreary?
Perhaps they would have a theory to help with these winter blues.
Perhaps a play or a movie to help with these winter blues.
It's all there on KREM 2 News !!

Curlicues chats on the phone, happy to be left alone
Ignoring me, I don't bemoan; the bird he has paid his dues.
KREM 2 News Early Morning, oh my life they are adorning,
But to the bird I give a warning, "Please stop crapping in my shoes.
"Katie Baker doesn't peck my head; she doesn't crap in my shoes.
"I'm growing fond of KREM 2 News.
"You could be replaced by KREM 2 News."
Quoth the parrot, "You amuse."

  Selected Cowboy Poetry
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

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Manure Happens
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk
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