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No Respect

My wife, she took me to a drive-in movie. I went to use the can, she
drove-out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't get no respect from my wife. For my birthday I asked for a new
suit, she served me with divorce papers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
With my wife, I don't get no respect. Well I asked her to iron a shirt,
she made me put it on first.

I don't get no respect. I was feeling romantic and asked the wife to
come out in the yard to look at the moon and stars . I got shit on by an
overflying bat.

I ran unopposed for political office once, and came in fifth.

I took a personality test once and was encouraged to cheat

Whenever I raised my hand in class to answer a question, the teacher
made me go to the bathroom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked an insurance guy for a quote, he said "absence makes the heart
grow fonder".
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Whenever I played in the sand box as a child, our cat would cover me
over.
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When I was a kid my parents bought me a jungle gym for the back yard -
It was a frayed rope stretched tightly over quicksand filled with
snakes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My birth certificate lists an expiration date.

-------------
from the humor of Rodney Dangerfield


___________________________________

An attractive woman from New York was driving
through a remote part of Texas when her car broke
down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered
her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him
on the horse and they rode off. The ride was
uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian
would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from
the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he
let her off at the local service station, yelled one
final, "Yee Ha!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the
service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman,
"I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his
waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't
fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback ..."


___________________________________
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Manure Happens
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

Website: http://www.manurehappens.com







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