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Talk About Scared

Driving to the office this morning on the motor
way, I looked over to my left and there was a
woman in a brand new BMW.

She was doing 136 Kph with her face up next to
her rear view mirror putting on her eye liner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I
looked back she was halfway over in my lane!

Still working on that make-up !!!

It scared me so bad, (I'm a man) that I dropped
my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out
of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten
out the car using my knees against the
steering wheel, my cell phone was knocked away
from my ear.

It fell into the coffee between my legs,
splashed and burned 'Big Jim and the Twins'!

Ruined the damn phone and

........... WOMEN DRIVERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!


No Respect

My wife, she took me to a drive-in movie. I went to use the can, she
I don't get no respect from my wife. For my birthday I asked for a new
suit, she served me with divorce papers.
With my wife, I don't get no respect. Well I asked her to iron a shirt,
she made me put it on first.

I don't get no respect. I was feeling romantic and asked the wife to
come out in the yard to look at the moon and stars . I got shit on by an
overflying bat.

I ran unopposed for political office once, and came in fifth.

I took a personality test once and was encouraged to cheat

Whenever I raised my hand in class to answer a question, the teacher
made me go to the bathroom.
I asked an insurance guy for a quote, he said "absence makes the heart
grow fonder".
Whenever I played in the sand box as a child, our cat would cover me
When I was a kid my parents bought me a jungle gym for the back yard -
It was a frayed rope stretched tightly over quicksand filled with


My birth certificate lists an expiration date.

from the humor of Rodney Dangerfield

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Manure Happens
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

Website: http://www.manurehappens.com

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